Yesterday was a birthday for me!
I'm forcing some positivity into the forefront of my mind, focusing on keeping my rose-colored glasses on and cleansing the doors of perception (as my breath work teacher said last week. More on that in the next post.).
This day brings up challenging emotions for me. I am not the type of friend who is going to force you to come out with me on a birthday night. I tend to turn inward and think about what this small change means for me on this journey.
Typically, it makes me feel like I missed out. Which I know is a crazy thing. My monkey mind swings around thinking of the ways in which I could have taken advantage of my young life. And I've done a lot. I've pursued passions, traveled, had a whirlwind romance with the love of my life. It's been a great ride. During my 28th year I got married, and spent the remainder of my time training to become a yoga teacher in my community. It's been a year with a lot of highs and some challenging lows, like leaving my big-girl job and taking a financial hit for doing so. My life is now generally awesome.
But sometimes a birthday reminds me that time is passing rather quickly, and there's no more time to put off anything that I've been holding back. It's a huge kick in the ass to my slacker self. So this birthday has me thinking of ways to progress and push forward some things that have been on the back burner.
It's also made me step back from my own thoughts... Why am I in a bummed out place about one more year passing? What's the big deal about moving forward, anyway?
Society has infused women's brains with the idea that as they age, they have less value - particularly in beauty and virility. Simply put, I feel pressure to have accomplished or be damn near accomplishing my goals since I'm "pushing 30." And all because BABIES. The cloud hovering over us is saying "Hurry up and live because once a baby comes, YOUR life stops for 20 years." And logically, I know that is not true. I am/will be my own person, even in the face of major change and sacrifice of time.
I spoke to my parents about it, and the IDEA of aging is what actually ages us. 30 is not old! 40, 50 and 60 are not old! And yet so many people buy into the myth that they have to stop certain activities, behaviors, fashion choices and limit a myriad of other parts of their life, simply due to getting another year older. (My mom just read Christiane Northrup's book and loved it, so she's been applying these ideas to her own life.)
So I've resolved to keep myself young by continuing a lifelong yoga practice, and always looking for the joy in life. I will keep my physical body in a healthy state, always seek to find the joy in every moment and find time for play!
We only stop feeling childlike wonder in our lives because we choose to let it slip away. We can access it again simply by choosing to feel it.